Thursday, May 10, 2012

A Car Listing Translation

I've been reading Vol. 2, No. 8 of The Henderson Press, dated April 21-27, 2011, the first weekly issue. I think it will be a stronger newspaper by being weekly, more attention to city issues, driven to find more stories in order to fill the pages, stories that matter. I think those will be in future issues, just like they were in this issue. And much more of a community connection. The people make it so.

There's a listing in the car section for a 1997 Honda Accord, selling for $1,400. No picture. Meanwhile, there's a picture of a 2005 Winnebago for $49,800. For that size, there'd better be a view of it.

I want to translate this ad into likely reality because I laughed at a few of the words listed:

"Must sell, moving" - I have another, more reliable car, and I'm not taking this piece of shit with me.

"2d Honda Accord" - When I was young and poor, I bought this car just to have a car. Now I have four doors, which makes two doors look like a swing set does to a rollercoaster.

"se a/c" - I have no idea what "se" means. I Googled it and came up with "Service Experts," and also found out that car people don't make the terms easy to know on the Internet. If you're not part of the club, we'll snicker at you until you notice and then we'll quickly start talking about oil changes, looking askance at you until you leave. Considering the mileage, which I'll list in a minute, I think it's at-your-own-risk air conditioning.

"Clean" - Just washed it. I couldn't reach the chip crumbs under the seats, though.

"200k miles" - Just put your wallet and credit cards on that tree stump over there and I'll set them on fire.

"needs tlc" - Hope you don't plan to eat, or go to the doctor, or see a movie, or do anything fun ever again.

"call for info" - You can call, but I'm going to be cagey about what I tell you and the only straight answer I'll give you is how I want you to pay me. Pay no attention to the loosening hose under the hood.

I'm thinking about getting a used Toyota Corolla after we move, and I'm going to make damn sure I don't get the same vibe as this.

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