Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Recurring Dream

This morning, I had the same dream I've had for the past few months, though some details change in each incarnation.

I was on a college campus, which this time had an arcade and a McDonald's, not a big one, but the logo was noticeable enough and though the ordering area was small, there was still enough going on in the back to show that this was a McDonald's important to the company, important enough to keep supplying it as if it was a location in the real world.

The other times I've had this dream, I've been on the roof of one of the buildings of the campus, I've climbed up a wide, glistening, marble staircase, I've walked through crowds of people, and I think I once caught a glimpse of a few theme park rides. My imagination goes anywhere.

This time, I was at this McDonald's, and it was already 11 a.m. with the rest-of-the-day menu on the display boards, but a few Egg McMuffins were still available, so I got two. And then I began thinking about the math class that was coming, the one in which the teacher had told me the previous session would be important to attend. A test? More notetaking for formulas that mattered nothing to me? I wasn't sure, but I also wondered if it would really matter if I was there. Was there a good grade to pursue this time? Probably not. Just another lecture to sit through.

The time for the beginning of the class came and went as I walked through the campus, going into the arcade, looking closely at what the claw machines had as prizes, seeing that the basketball game (where you throw basketballs into the hoop) was still there, and then walking out, walking a long way. To where, I don't know, but I determined that I didn't need to be in that math class today. It didn't affect me, and why should I spend my time not doing what I wanted to do?

This was not the only class I've ever skipped in these dreams. There was an English class, a science class, and probably a few others. And I'm never sure what it means. Is it related to some part of myself that I'm ignoring that I don't know that I'm ignoring? Is skipping these classes my way of reclaiming myself? I thought I've already done that with rediscovering my passion for reading, and considering what book I want to write next, and filling my life with what I love, including ambient music. I'm not sure what it could mean.


  1. Very interesting, but I'm curious - what were you feeling? Guilt? Anxiety? Defiance? peace with your choice? ALL of my school dreams are full of anxiety, stress, and regret, even 25 years later! I would bet that its meaning lies in how you were feeling about the events.

  2. In the dream, I was feeling total peace with my choice. The class period began and I didn't feel like I needed to be there. I wasn't missing anything, and I was satisfied.

    I had been going back and forth during the time of these dreams about whether I would have wanted to get back together with the woman I broke up with, but realized, also through the wisdom of my mom, that if you break up once, you stay broken up. It won't improve a second time. Plus I still wouldn't have gotten what I was seeking, and it wasn't worth trying again.

  3. Well then, by all means, enjoy walking away, and don't feel like you need a new destination right away. Oh. And enjoy the scenery. ;)

  4. I don't desire a new destination right now, especially since I won't until my family and I move to Henderson. And the scenery is paved with books, so I'm very happy.

  5. No James Cromwell in this one?


  6. The James Cromwell one was a fluke, and now that I think of it further, this dream had appeared occasionally during that relationship. I realized at the end of it that I hadn't been happy for a while, that I had put aside too much of myself in the hope that I could make it work because I liked her that much. So skipping the classes like that perhaps was my subconscious's way of telling me to pay attention to myself, to put back in me what I had left aside.