Maybe I can have Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, M&Ms, Dr. Pepper, Cheez-Its, butter pecan ice cream, chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, fettucine alfredo, pizza, and all other kinds of happily fattening things once in a great while now. But I don't feel like I want it anymore. Last night, we had leftover stuffed cabbage and salad. Mom, Dad and Meridith poured extra-virgin olive oil and red wine vinaigrette on their salads. I left mine dry. Those might be the least of dressings to put on salads, least fattening, least calories, but I don't want to chance it until I've done more research on my own about what dressings might be low in nearly everything. I don't want it to be tasteless, but I also don't want to add more pounds to my body than I already have, which is already enough to try to shrink off.
Yes, I've gone on another diet, though it's more like a free floating one, at least in guidelines. I know now to eat when I get up, be it late morning or mid-afternoon, but that's the only solid rule I've set for myself. I don't have much bread anymore, and I've upped the fruits and vegetables. Most importantly, I've begun exercising again, though for now, it's walking, and so far, Dad, Meridith and I have gone from the house to the park that's about, well, I'd say 0.4 miles. There and back, 0.8. Every day. On days we can't, which aren't many, at least not right now, we go for a lot more distance to make up for that lost day.
On the first night I vowed not to rummage through the fridge during the night, it was hard. Again, I remembered all that was in there, from the cream cheese to the peanut butter to the yogurts and some leftovers, including some leftover lamb, which I devoured on my second first night, the following night. On my third first night, following that, I did it. My brain was still insisting on going to the fridge and loading up the bulging skin tank, but it wasn't as vocal. The next night, a little less. Last night, nothing. Oh I do still think about the fridge's contents, but now it's only in relation to my needing more oranges, possibly more pears (I think I got a bad Bartlett the other day, not at all juicy, and it tasted like office cardboard), and I'm thinking about also venturing into apples. Now, it should be understood that I'm not turning into a vegetarian. That's not my intent. The stuffed cabbage had beef in it, with rice embedded in the meat, so I'm not giving that up, especially with thinking about chicken. More chicken. No more fried chicken. Being at KFC last week, having that Variety Big Box Meal with the breast, the Crispy Strip, the popcorn chicken, the coleslaw, mashed potatoes with gravy, the biscuit, and the big-ass 32 oz. drink, that was the final time. Roast chicken sounds good to me now. And I know what has to happen. I have to give up the skin. Before this diet, the skin was the first thing I ate off of any chicken. It was especially nice as extra crispy from KFC. I don't feel any pang of regret from having to do this. In fact, we went to Caruso's II Italian Restaurant toward Saturday evening, and split an antipasto salad and one of their giant pizzas. Two slices remained on the serving tray. A few weeks before this, I would have grabbed one of those slices. I didn't this time. I let it go, it was brought home, and it's probably gone now. I haven't looked closely in the fridge as I have before.
I'm still aware of the diet every day. I have to be. I have to be reasonable now in what I eat. The big test will be the lunch buffet at San Manuel Indian Bingo and Casino one day this week, but I don't think I'll be piling on 20 plates (that's what it seemed like) on the first walk-around, as I did at the Carnival World Buffet at Rio in Las Vegas. My sister writes down in a notebook everything she eats, along with a calorie count, so that's good. Some of it matches what I eat, and it's helpful. I do feel like I'm losing some weight. My chin's gotten smaller, my feet don't hurt as much after long walks, and fortunately, my, yes, love handles are starting to get smaller again, and will stay that way. I'll make sure of it. It's a proper start.
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